Politically correct version of the legend of Saint George and the Dragon, with sensitivity against the absolutist power of the kings, animal abuse, the objectification of women, the guillotination of flowers (which are also living beings) and the unjust obligation that hipsters should wear beards:

The legend of Saint George and the Dragon (politically correct version)

Once upon a time, many, many years ago, when most things in heaven and on earth such as forests and vermin were still brand new, there was a small kingdom lost among the mountains of Catalonia that had a King that protected it and a Dragon that ravaged it.

Portrait of a Lady, Probably Princess Cleodolinda, by Paolo Ucello (1450).

The King was a democratic king, and for this reason, although he had absolute power, he also shared it with the citizens of the kingdom, who proclaimed a Monarchical Republic and had all the democratic institutions such as a government, parliament, judiciary, political parties and free press. The king had only one daughter, the heir to the Kingdom, Cleodolinda.

The dragon, on the other hand, was not democratic at all. He possessed the faculties to walk, fly and swim, he could draw sparks from his mouth, ears and ass, and he had stinky breath, to the point that from far away his puffs poisoned the air, and caused the death of all who they breathed it. He ate the herds: sheep, oxen, horses... and from time to time he also devoured muleteers or haberdashery owners who crossed alone through the forest or the singer-songwriters who went in search of inspiration.

The dragon was a filthy beast, but being alive nonetheless. Detail of the «Sant Jordi killing the dragon», central panel of the «Altarpiece of Saint George» by Bernat Martorell (1437).

The kingdom sent emissaries to negotiate. The emissaries presented to the dragon a lot of arguments: «Eating people alive is not good at all, it is against the laws and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and it is not democratic at all», they told him, but the dragon was as powerful as disbelieving in democracy, and they were all eaten.

Some citizens, somewhat troubled, said that it was necessary to kill that murderous beast, but the Animal Party vigorously protested. The Law for the Defense of Animals prevented this: the Dragon was a protected species and in danger of extinction, and it would not be democratic to kill it.

In view of this dissertation, Parliament determined that people had to be sorted out to quench the beast's appetite, and the King accepted it on the condition that all the names of the kingdom's inhabitants be included in the pot, including those of their family... and out of the pot came the name of the Princess, Cleodolinda. Many citizens volunteered to sacrifice themselves in their place, but the King and Princess were super democratic and did not want to change their sad fate. The princess went to the Dragon's cave, in the middle of the forest, dressed in white and pink, to be devoured. And the King and all the citizens of the kingdom, watching her depart from the castle, cried incessantly.

Saint Geroge was a hipster without a beard, but with a mane that made all girls fall in love. Icon of Saint George (14th century), from a workshop in Constantinople. Athens: Christian and Byzantine Museum.

But suddenly a young gentleman appeared, armed from head to toe, who was a stranger and did not know how things worked in democracies. The knight's name was Saint George and he rode a snow-white horse from the Pyrenees or beyond. He was a hipster but he didn't have a beard (then hipsters didn't have a beard), and he was surrounded by a Latin lover mane that made all girls fall in love.

Detail of the icon of Saint George killing the dragon. Reggio de Calabria: church of Saint George Martyr.

Saint George rammed the Dragon with the sword, the ax and the spear and left him half dead, confused and surrendered. Saint George tied the Dragon with the Princess's waist cord, leaving him tamed, to the point that it followed him like a sheep. Then the dragon begged for mercy, but as the knight did not know how democracy works, he finished him off with a slash, saying gallantly: "Die damn vermin!".

In this way Saint George saved the Princess. In the place where the Dragon fell, a large pool of blood remained. From the puddle a rosebush of red roses was born. And from the rosebush a rose, the reddest and the most beautiful of all the roses that had existed until then. Saint George wanted to harvest it to offer it to the Princess, but Cleodolinda said no: «roses are also living beings, and it is not good to harvest them", argued the Princess. «You have to love them on top of their stems».

In addition, some citizens argued that giving a rose to a lady implied a reification of the woman and, therefore, an obvious act of micro-sexism. On the other hand, other citizens said that life already had enough torments that it was also necessary to pursue even a small gallantry like that, even more so after having done a distinguished feat like that. Finally, they held two territorial assemblies by show of hands, three non-referendum consultations, five citizen consultation processes and a binding referendum, and it came out that the majority wanted to establish that new tradition, since they thought that the fact that a gentleman gave a rose to a princess would be a vintage tradition and very cute.

Then Saint George used his mobile phone (a very old one, but one that already had Internet access) to search for a jeweler on Google that could make him some Saint George roses, but that were not made of living matter, but of a precious metal like silver. He asked for three estimates, and the jewelry that offered him the best quality and the most attractive price (including VAT and also with exclusive packaging included and worlwide shipping was MeriTomasa:

Sant Jordi Roses Ring: adjustable rings available in 3 sizes: small rose (6mm), medium (10mm) or large (16mm).

Sant Jordi Roses Earrings: with snap closure and available in small (6mm) or medium (10mm).

Sant Jordi Roses Necklace: with 45cm silver chain, with a ring to shorten to 42cm, and available in 3 sizes: small rose (6mm), medium (10mm) or large (16mm)).

Sant Jordi Roses Needle: Barley needle, Sant Jordi rose and spike: all in sterling silver. Length 60-70mm.

Sant Jordi Roses Polyester Bracelet: with polyester cord with adjustable length thanks to the macramé knots. 10mm rose.

Sant Jordi Roses Bracelet: rigid bracelet in darkened silver. 10mm rose.

Saint George gave the complete set to Cleodolinda, and everyone wanted them to get together or marry, including the king, the Government, Parliament, the judiciary, political parties and the press, and especially the princess, who was very much in love and felt a deep burning to caress his Latin lover's mane. So it was, and they had a long string of hereus and pubillas, and since then is celebrated on 23 April Saint George in Catalonia, and each knight gives a rose to his princess.

Magical properties of Saint George Roses collection

Although it is not scientifically proven, there are several authors who affirm that MeriTomasa's silver roses of Saint George have various magical properties:

Detail of the icon of Saint George slaying the dragon. Reggio Calabria: Church of San Jorge Mártir.

• The princess who receives them suddenly increases her beauty. Sant Jordi roses enhance the beauty of the part of the body where they shine (ears, wrist, fingers or chest) and also the good overall plant of the princess who boasts them. The magazines of the heart ask her to do a photo report while having tea with her friends.
  
  
• The gentleman who gives them away also increases his beauty, especially in the more chivalrous attributes of the male figure. If the gentleman has a mustache or beard, for example, they become much more gallant mustaches or beards at the same time as hipsters. And if the gentleman is bald, his hair grows!
  
  
• The love between the princess and the knight becomes an indestructible and legendary love. In Hollywood they are inspired to make a movie, in Bollywood they make a musical and in the Barcelona Parallel they program the theatrical version, which becomes the hit of the season.
  
  
• If the knight and princess already have children, they grow more handsome. If they do not already have them, they conceive one in the next few hours after making the gift of the Sant Jordi roses. If they still don't have them and at the moment they don't want to have them, they win the lottery.
  
  
• Sant Jordi roses also have healing properties: they cure all diseases of the body and mind, make you more sportsman, enhance sexual vigor, remove the evil eye and protect against any curse made with black magic..
  
  

If you publish this list on your Facebook, between today and tomorrow you will find a 50 euro bill on the ground. If you publish it on Twitter, next week they will raise your salary at work and they will also ask you if you want to telework from home. If you send it to 15 friends by WhatsApp, in the next year you will lose 10 kilos without doing sports or diet.

Where can I buy the roses from Saint George by MeriTomasa?

You will find my Sant Jordi Roses collection in the MeriTomasa's mobile store in the Passeig Pere III in Manresa, every April 23, and you can also buy them right now on the Internet, if you are afraid of arriving and that they are already finished, or if you want to receive them earlier at home, or if you want that any day it can be Saint George.